Hey y'all. I've got a mommy question for some of you out there.
At a playgroup yesterday (towards the beginning) my dear friend L's daughter was bitten by another kid who didn't want to share. It was a really bad bite. It did not break the skin, but hours later you could still count every little tooth mark and the dents were still really deep. I'm not sure, but I would think it would bruise. (I haven't seen it today) But it was a really, really bad bite.
Now, while we understand that children do things such as this sometimes, we felt that it should have been handled differently. Both L and I felt that if our kid had misbehaved in such an egregious manner, we would have apologized profusely, made sure the offended child was okay and left. We did not think it was really okay to leave your kid in that situation. (after the playgroup we found another bite mark on her shoulder- so it happened again at some point. This one wasn't near as bad, but still.)
So, what we want to know is are we overreacting? Was it okay for the other woman to leave her child in that situation and stay at a playgroup? And it was a painting activity for the moms- so it wasn't an event where we were not constantly watching the children. Both of us feel that she should have left, but we want to know everyone else's (all three of you that read here) honest opinion.
So let us know, dear internet- should the child have been removed? Or what actions would you have taken?
Thanks for the opinions! :)
Friday, August 15, 2008
ask the internet
Posted by Frannie at 10:08 AM
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
8 comments:
if it was a first offense and possible I think the mom should have stayed and made the child sit next to her for an appropriate amount of time (or maybe the whole time) before being allowed to play again.
If it was a repeat performance they should have left immediately.
it's hard to know for sure without actually being there and knowing the dynamics of your playgroup (actually I guess it's just hard to know "for sure" any way you look at it!)
I think biting is an absolutely unacceptable behavior. It hurts and it is dangerous. The child should have been removed in my opinion.
We used to know a biter when my youngest was a baby - it was awful. He would bite his mom all of the time and she would let him.
I think she should have left!
She should have apologized to the kid that was bitten and the mother! She should have even called today to check in...just as a nice gesture!
How old were the kids???
Was the child old enough to be told "NO" and let them know what they did was wrong?
I'm not a mom but I would have laid into my kid if they did something like that! Maybe that is why I'm NOT a mom!! lol
She certainly should have apologized and made sure her child was in time out or temporarily removed for a first offense. If it happened more than once I would say yes, she should have left.
What ages are you talking about. Here we would expect the playgroup to have a policy on dealing with unacceptable behaviour. That would not necessarily be that the child was excluded because this will not help the child learn it is wrong. In my opinion the child who was hurt should be given a lot of attention. The other child should have been withdrawn to sit quietly so he or she could see the fun they were missing, and be told very firmly (look in the eye down at child's level firm no biting and say it hurts and makes {name hurt child} sad) or they won't be able to come to play group. Get the child to say sorry to the other child and give cuddle. Sharing is a very difficult concept for young children to learn. A member of staff should talk to the parent to see if this is a one off or if it happens at home. A plan can then be put in place to see if there are any triggers for the behaviour. I would also plan a group activity around sharing so that all the children could practice sharing. I know it's hard but this parent and her child might just need support. From my experience of working with parents and children she probably feels bad about but didn't know how to handle the situation. On the other hand if it continues to happen then it may well become a situation where the child has to be excluded for the safety of the other children. Sorry if I have prattled on for too long.
I would have apologized profusely and felt so craptacular that I probably would have left.
At any rate I would not have continued on as if nothing happened.
If my child had bitten someone I would have apologized immediatley. I cannot say for sure the action, if I would have left or handled the situation there (time out, a pop...) because I do now know if this was a first time. I can certinaly say that the matter would have been handled, in trying to reley to my child that biting is not acceptable.
If a child is to young to realize that (they understand much, even if they cannot communicate, they know our displeasure) I would hav elfet immediatley and as J suggested, called the next day, or that evening to check on the child.
How old was the biter? My Tigger was a biter for about 6 months at age two because he has delayed speech. He was expelled from two preschools because no one wanted to deal with the issue. It's too easy to judge the biter and the biter's parent.
I've been on the other side of it too when my kids were bitten. There is NO easy answer.
But I'd say this biter probably should have been removed from the situation and his mother should not have brought him somewhere, where she was not able to supervise him - I never would have brought Tigger to something like that and just left him playing without me watching for his trigger points. Biters need help and guidance.
/rant
Post a Comment