So, I kind of need to talk something out and don't really have anyone to talk it out with, so I am going to just write about it here. I really hate talking about this subject, but I am going to try to be very honest about how I am feeling. Maybe that will help me figure it all out.
As you all know, I am adopted. I don't really have much to do with the other part of my family. The last time I saw them was in the summer of '06 when my bio dad passed away. It had been 8 years since I had seen or talked to him. I'm going to be very honest about my feelings here and say that for the most part I don't even consider these people my family. The relationships were very toxic for me (with very few exceptions). The passing of my dad was much harder than I expected for me, but I got over it much faster than I expected. Way faster than anyone would get over the death of someone close. I will dream about them every once in a while, but that is about the extent that I even think of them. I can go months without ever even having one thought concerning them.
I got a call from my younger brother today. My step-mother had a heart attack and he said he doesn't think she will come home from the hospital. I am expected to drive all the way down there to visit. I lost touch with them after my dad's funeral and was kind of glad I did. And in the spirit of being totally honest-- I just don't care enough about her to be concerned. I know that makes me sound like a horrible person, but this person has caused me so much pain and misery in my life that it just isn't in my heart to care.
no need to finish... just got a call that she didn't make it.
Saturday, December 20, 2008
Being a bit serious and very honest
Posted by Frannie at 2:28 PM
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5 comments:
GF - sorry for your loss.
You aren't a bad person - not at all. I can totally understand how you feel (even though I have never experienced what you have. Say a little prayer for her, then let it go. (HUGS)
I always hate when people say they understand when I know darn well they don't have a flippin clue. So I will only say....as someone who hasn't talked to her family for over seven years, I think I may understand this post and the feelings behind it.
I'm sorry your step-mother didn't make it. But you definitely aren't a horrible person for the feelings you have. Hugs to you.
Update to earlier comment (it was very late when I left it last night): I meant to say "I can totally imagine ...
You know this but I'll say it anyway. You are not a bad person for not going or even intending to go. Just because people are "related" to us doesn't mean they are "family." True family are those who love and care about you..."blood related" or not.
(hugs) to you - so brave to post about it!
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