a great night....

I am awake at 5:30 in the morning, so I thought I would get up and wrap some presents. Hopefully, I will get sleepy enough to catch another couple of hours before Punter and HOF wake up.

I had a great night last night and I really needed that. It's hard to describe my mood from this weekend's events. Certainly not sad for her death. (yes- I know. That makes me sound bad. But my blog, my feelings.) Slightly sad for those that were close to her. But hard to be sad for people that I don't truly know. Slightly sad to find out how my younger brother is still living his life. But not surprised. I guess guilt is the best way to describe how I feel. While I will never truly understand why family members cut each other out of their lives (even though I did that in a major and traumatic and drastic way at the age of 15), I know that I did what was best for me. And I know on some level it was a flight or fight response. While I wasn't in immediate danger that someone was going to kill me, I would have died in the situation I was in. Especially when not long after my departure I developed lupus. I was extremely sick for a couple of years and there is not doubt I would have died then. If for some miracle I would have survived that, I would have died through other circumstances. While I don't want to go into specifics, just know that it was that bad.

But, last night was such a good night. And I really needed that. Such a good night. We were watching the game and I decided I needed to get my bottom in gear and start to work on one of the 4,000 Christmas presents I need to make. So, I got to work getting all crafty and such. I was up and down the stairs. But one time, Punter and HOF all followed me down and we finally just turned the game on down there, so I could stay in one spot for the most part. We ate and talked and crafted all while watching an amazing Giant's victory! And, as you know, I'm a big fan!!! LOL It really was such a great game. And it was just so nice to get some stuff done and be productive and have my boys either with me or playing together nearby.

Punter is going through a little stage right now where it is all about Daddy. And it is just so sweet to my heart! He just wants Daddy all the time. HOF is eating it up-- but poor guy can't get ANYTHING done. So, last night during the game, they are playing blocks and ISpy and all sorts of fun while our Giants were winning. All under the light of the Christmas tree.

I may have a bit of a tough decision ahead of me, but this will pass. I am so fortunate and blessed. All the stuff that happened in the past is over. THIS is my life. And I love it!

oh, and GO GIANTS!!!!!