mixed emotions (a long post)

As I mentioned the other day, my mother in law just got back from Thailand. She has been gone for about 9 months. (She was helping our uncle adopt a baby-- it has been a very long process and she finally just had to come home.)

My MIL doesn't have a "home". She just lives with whomever. She usually stays with HOF's brother. She has a room at our house, but has only spent the night twice that I can remember. She doesn't have any income, so she couldn't really live on her own even if she wanted.

My parents' neighborhood just happens to be right across the street from the BIL's neighborhood. So, twice after work last week Punter and I stopped by to see MIL. I talked with HOF that I felt like maybe she wasn't happy there. I didn't want to put her in a position to say anything negative, so I tried to ask a lot of questions to get a sense of what was going on with her. She was alone all day. Well, almost all the time- not just during the day. She would keep herself busy, but it just didn't seem that she had anything to be happy about. And she doesn't have any transportation.

I asked her if she had any plans this week- she did not. So, I asked if she wanted to come home with me from work on Monday and I would bring her back Thursday. That way she could help me with the party and it would break up the monotony. She said she would. Although, I couldn't really tell if she was saying it because she wanted to or because she thought I wanted her to.

Well, HOF's sister came back in town and was sick, so MIL said she wanted to stay with her this week and wouldn't be coming. Which was fine.

I woke up Tuesday (yesterday) to a voice mail from HOF's sister asking if I wanted to come pick her (MIL) up or if I wanted her to drop MIL off. WHAT??? My Tuesday was packed, so this totally threw me off. I called and told SIL that I couldn't deal with either picking her up or having her dropped off because of XYZ to get ready for the party. She had an answer to everything, so MIL was going to come. It wasn't that I didn't want her to come, I was just all discombobulated and was trying to work out the logistics of the day.

So, MIL gets here and everything is going great. She is watching Punter while I am getting ready for the party and she helped run errands, cooked dinner etc.

During the course of the day, she seemed much happier here. I kept asking more questions about the situation over there at BIL's house. It was stated directly, but it just seemed that she wasn't happy being there. She is really just there by herself all the time. And she does a lot of stuff around the house-- I'm not sure if she felt appreciated. (note- some of this is my speculation.)

So, I let her know that if she was happy at BIL's house that was great. But, if she wasn't- or if she felt like she would be happier here- she was welcome to come stay with us. At first, she said that she would like to go back and forth: which turned into here Monday through Friday and there on weekends: which turned into here all the time unless SIL is in town. It was gradual, but I don't think she would have decided to spend all her time here unless she is happier here. So, I think I did the right thing.

I am a little nervous. We always got along great-- I mean WONDERFUL-- until I had Punter. It became a huge stress on our relationship. She was always telling me everything I was doing was wrong and that I needed to do this or that. It was just one criticism after another. And I couldn't take it. I was a nanny for 12 years before I had Punter. People PAID me to raise their kids. And the last time she raised a kid was over 3o years ago in a third world country. It was just a big stress and we just pulled away from each other for a while. We were really close and then we just couldn't be around each other without tension.

This long break has really helped both of us, I think. Grandma's death last April also helped bridge the gap.

So, I am so happy to have her here. But I am nervous because of the rift we have had. And I worry about time for just our little family. That is really important to me.

But the good part is oh so good!!!!!!!! I feel like I have a wife!! I love it. I have this wonderful babysitter that is here anytime. I have a friend. I have a homecook Thai chef that also makes some kick ass Vietnamese food. And usually does the dishes after she cooks. It has freed me in so many ways. Of course, I still feel like I haven't got anything done because I have spent all my time on the party. But it has been so nice.

And Punter is head over heels in love. He is so happy to play, play, play with her. And let's face it. I just don't have time to play all the time. And she does.

The mixed emotions come in with the tinge of worry. I truly hope it all works out. I don't want another strain on us.

For right now I am enjoying it. MIL is going back tomorrow morning to do some prep for staying here. And she will go back while we are at Disney. But after that, I think she will be here full time. At least that is the plan.

Oh, and HOF is such a wonderful man. He called me yesterday at 5:30 and I told him that his mom was here and she was going to move in.... and he took it all in stride. He is so sweet to open our home to my grandmother and now his mom. We certainly have a full house!